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too early to be meaningful [Monday, August 13th, 2007 5:48am] [ mood | lethargic ] its 5:48 in the morning. lord knows thats too early/too late for any sane 17 year old girl to be up at. i should go to sleep, lord also knows that. I have said Lord wayyy to much for any agnostic to say(lord knows!) i have to coach cheerleading today at 5:30 p.m. i love that part of my week. It makes me feel like i am part of something, and its nice to have the girls looking up to me for something i am proud of. Granted once highschool hit i was not remotly cheerleader-esque but i am still good, probably better than most of the girls on varsity now. But the little girls look at me and don't see the drugs or alcohol that has ruined me yet i love. They don't see the scars(mentally) they don't know my past. I am coach tasha, and that is it. and i love it not to mention RAW is on tonight<3 god i love wrestling. I need to call my dad. I need to talk to him, and tell him i hope all is well. I hate this court thing. I hate it with a passion. Hmph, lets have everything work out. lets find me a boyfriend. lets have a good life, or lets wake up and realize this isn't really happening

so far [Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 1:00am] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | default ] I have only smoked and drank this week no pills no bullshit and im glad eventually i will have my life completly on track until then i really dont know sometimes i want to be completly straight edge but then i feel like there will be nothing left of me well besides my wrestling obsession but i know much much more of my friends thru partying and idk i need to start meeting some nice people who like me when im sober sober, now that will be the day actually i have already promised myself if my dad beats this stupid child support thing then no more pot or drinking I don't want to end up like him i know that sounds harsh but i want an easy life i want to enjoy my life not this shit

[Friday, August 3rd, 2007 11:39pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | gwar ] i miss the girl who had that attitude i miss the tough bitch i use to be now i'm just faking it but i will say it now and i will say it proud fuck you and try to break me

bumble bee [Friday, August 3rd, 2007 2:42am] [ mood | hopeful ] That is what i want i think i should become straightedged basically i don't even remember what it feels like to be sober and maybe its the haze something is bringing me down so i guess getting high isn't working anymore

fuck [Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 10:55pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | blue october ] So basically i smoked myself into a coma. These comas are fun until i start coming down from then. Thats when reality hits the hardest. That's when you feel cold and alone. Thens when feel like the the most incomplete person in the entire world. That is when it makes me cry when i think about my father possibly having to go to jail. I wan't my life to be ok. I really really do. But everyday just seems so fake. Nothing feels right anymore. I am not right anymore. i am a rock on the railroad tracks when i go under no one will even feel it so why do i feel so broken? why is everyday wrong i want things to work out but i am fucking up again I swear i am my own biggest nemesis

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